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Acne and the Pill

Lynn Doughman — 2012-10-22T22:12:02-07:00

Dear Dr. Mast,
My 21 year old daughter struggles with adult acne. A number of her friends have been put on the Pill by their dermatologists to combat this problem and as a general rule it has been very successful. My daughter has tried many acne products and doctor recommended prescriptions, but nothing seems to work for her. She told me she is considering getting a prescription for the Pill because nothing else seems to work, and she's seen the positive skin results from her friends. I know for certain that she is only considering it for the acne and under no circumstances does she intend to use it as a form of birth control. She is not sexually active and has fully resolved to remain chaste until marriage. I understand her frustration and the embarrassment the acne causes, but I am very concerned about her using a contraceptive to eradicate it. Please arm me with some solid facts as to why this is a bad idea. Also, is it sinful for her to go this route if she is not using it to prevent a pregnancy? I so appreciate your knowledge and advice and I look forward to a reply.

Gay marriage explanation for young teens

Respect — 2012-10-15T18:27:26-07:00

Dear Dr. Mast,

I have five kids, ages 7 to 16. My daughters are 12 and 15. Just this morning, before I dropped them off at their Catholic middle and high school (same building), my oldest daughter said, �I have a question for you.� She wanted to know why gay marriage is wrong. After all, there are a lot of things in the Bible that are no longer to be abided by (Old Testament things, for example). I have answered this question for others, explaining it more from a Natural Law perspective. But I groped for an easy way to explain it to my daughters. And there wasn�t time to give a full answer. I�d like to return to the topic later because I know our children are confronting these questions frequently now, through the media. My guess is that she saw something on the Internet about this � that the question was posed out there and the �worldly wisdom� made sense to her. How would you have approached this? I would call into your show, and maybe should, but am usually working when it�s on.

Thanks so much for your help.

Dear R: You are in a very delicate position to tell 12 ands 14 year olds about same sex unions, but this is important.

Our culture is now saturated with propaganda that promotes ignorance about sexuality and marriage. A person who knows the truth about sex and marriage is put out to pasture as intolerant or narrow, when the opposite is true. The popular narrow view of sexuality is that sexual feelings are merely for a person�s selfish pleasure. God has a much broader mind than that. Sexuality is only truly human when placed at the service of life within the love of marriage. That is the language written in our bodies in the gift of self in marriage. In this way, human sexual expression is not just gratifying, but actually fulfilling! It fulfills a deep human longing to join God in the creation of new life. Any belief about sexuality less than that is �intolerant� of the truth and meaning of human sexuality, and is more on the border of the thinking that we are animals. In reality and truth, we are human beings made in the image and likeness of God.

A twelve year old can understand it this way: God made us male and female. He made male and female the opposite sex, to go together in harmony, not to be exactly the same. When he instituted marriage in the book of Genesis, he said, �Man shall leave his father and mother, cling to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.� And �Be fertile and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.� And �What God has joined together, man cannot separate.� It is IMPOSSIBLE for a man and a man to be married, or for a woman and a woman to be married, since the whole institution of marriage is for union and perpetuating God�s love through having children. These two purposes cannot be separated since they are written into the body language of marriage. Two people of the same sex will be completely unfulfilled in their inner longings. It is impossible for them to become one flesh, and it is impossible for them to have children, since two people of the same sex do not have fertility or complementary sexual organs. Thus, they set themselves not only for a life of sin, but for a life of unfulfilled frustration with a little bit of gratification.

If the girls already have a general idea of how conception occurs, you can add this:

The way God made men�s and women�s bodies is that they fit together in the marriage embrace. The man (In his sperm cells) has half of the genetic material necessary to create a new human life, and the woman (in her monthly egg cell) has the other half. This is God�s design that each child is born of the love of a man and woman. That was not an idea we made up, it is part of God�s creation of us.

Today, the culture is trying to tell us that marriage is just a relationship of two people who live together to make each other feel good. That is a lie. Married love is about sacrificing your selfishness for the good of the other person and for the sake of the family. To be a real marriage, it must be of a man and a woman, faithful to each other, free to love, and open to new life.

Same sex unions can never be a marriage. The government is trying to write a new definition of marriage, but they can�t because they didn�t invent marriage. God created marriage. We can�t change the name or meaning of it just to pass a political test.

Read them the story �The Emperors New Clothes� and see if they think the emperor is naked or not, no matter what he was led to believe. A lie is a lie is a lie, even if millions of people believe it. Satan is the author of lies, and he has many friends in the world today. Unfortunately, many politicians and citizens believe it is �compassionate� and accepting to promote the legality same sex unions. But the attempt at same sex unions is not good for the individual or society, so why would we want to promote it? Stealing is not good, killing is not good, and lying is not good for the individual or society, so we shouldn�t promote those either.

Virtues Book for kids mentioned today

Coleen — 2012-07-23T11:01:36-07:00

On today's show, I mentioned the following book for the mom whose 7 year old was attention seeking and prideful.

Raise Happy Children, Teach Them Joy! by Mary Ann Budnik.

R.B. Media, Inc.

Proverbs and Old Testament quotes I ready regarding sins of the tongue were from Chapter 3: How to Teach the Virtue of Modesty

RE: Toddler masturbating

Coleen — 2012-07-21T16:20:12-07:00

This is something that will not always go away on it's own, but his is not a sin for a baby girl who does not know what she is doing. Be firm about stopping her but don't lie and tell her she'll get ouches. She might not. She gets comfort. Give her a distraction technique to do when she wants to do that, such as rubbing her Teddy Bear's back instead.

Difference between love and infatuation

Pam Bucher — 2012-07-20T16:13:47-07:00

Dr. Mast,

Thanks for all you to support virtue in our virtue-less culture. Could you please post the excerpt you read from your student workbook, about the difference between love and infatuation?

Thanks and blessings!

Toddler masterbating

amber — 2012-06-26T18:13:47-07:00

I recently read an article on babycenter.com about toddler behviors.http://www.babycenter.com/0_masturbation_11558.bc My daughter is almost 3 yrs old and "masterbates". She started when she was around 12 months, she would rock her butt sometimes when she'd strattle my thigh during a hug. I always thought she was self-soothing and she'd grow out of it. But now its a yr and a half later and its become more obvious what shes doing. Now she rubs against the seat belt buckle between her legs or rock her butt on the edge of a chair. The article said its completely normal for kids to masterbate theyre exploring their body. And that they can actually orgasm too like an adult! This made me so sad and upset to think my baby girl feeling that. I always stop her when I catch her doing that, I tell her "no no honey youre going to get ouchies" and she'll stop. She never physically touches herself with her hands like the article said was common. But I'm still uneasy about the whole sittuation. Is my baby girl already in sin? Will she eventually stop on her own or what can i do to make her stop? Have you experienced anything like this before? Help please...any advice.

RE: ADD

Kent — 2012-06-17T09:49:59-07:00

click the side bar Nutritional Supplements and I can tell you all about it.

RE: name of private parts

CKM — 2012-06-17T09:48:53-07:00

You did the right thing in naming the part properly

and not showing him. If you think it will satisfy his curiosity show him a simple line drawing in an anatomy book. Tell him that God made him to be a man someday so he will need all the parts of the man and not of a woman. God made men and women to be the opposite sex. As he grows, it is important for a single mom to find a healthy male role model such as an uncle or grandpa or older cousin who his capable of guiding him in truth.

RE: Letters from former Cohabiting Couples

Vern — 2012-06-04T08:07:43-07:00

Was it Jim, or Tom?

name of private parts

Elizabeth — 2012-06-01T16:43:34-07:00

When potty training my son, I thought it would be prudent to tell him the name of his private parts, except he asked if he could see mine, and I explained that I have a different part and used the name and no he could not see.
Now at four he has a hyper curiosty of the female part and points it out in children's books, and says "virgina" at daycare.
Clearly I made a mistake at naming the part, but many of the "parenting" books, say this is the best way to protect your child from preditors, by telling them the proper names of the parts.
My son now says he wants to grow up to have a virgina, and be a girl.
I am a single mom, and really wanted to do my best to protect my son when he is is the care of others, but in the process I awakened his curiosity. Where can I go from hereto dull his curiosity, or was naming the parts right?

Thanks so much, hope you can help.

ADD

Christie — 2012-05-14T14:07:20-07:00

I was listening to your show today, Monday, and you mentioned a natural supplement that helps Attention Deficient Disorder. What is it again?

RE: ms

sexrespect — 2012-05-04T11:09:20-07:00

Two books might help you.

One would be "The Joyful Mysteries of Life" published by Ignatius Press, and the other would be a book I wrote, specifically

Parents Guide of Love & Life, which is available on this website www.sexrespect.com.

The Love & Life Student book also has a chapter on modesty and much on chastity. Maybe you could read those now so you can relay the information at the appropriate times.

Personality Tests?

sexrespect — 2012-05-04T11:04:34-07:00

On Thursday's show a caller asked about the adult family taking personality tests at the request of her college age daughter. I spoke about some fun ways to do that as a family night activity. I mentioned a few books that have personality tests in them, and I figured you couldn't write them down at the time. So before you all email me for the names of the books, here they are!

The Temperament God Gave You

by Art and Laraine Bennet (authors of this one are Catholic)

Personality Plus

by Florence Littaur

Why You Act the Way You Do

by Tim La Haye

These teachings can help us understand ourselves better and be more accepting of others.

ms

Marti — 2012-05-03T10:27:48-07:00

My 9 year old daughter is beginning to ask questions such as " where do babies come out" ... I'm wondering the best way to answer this .

Can you direct me to a good resource for my 2 adopted girls from china . I'm a single mom and need all the help I can get . I'm trying hard to encourage modesty and later chastity . Tha

RE: Jelly Bean Prayer

Pick and Pack — 2012-04-19T16:56:34-07:00

Excellent post. I think it is very informative post.

RE: Letters from former Cohabiting Couples

Mom of 10 — 2012-04-16T11:14:44-07:00

In the second letter, I don't know how we went from Jim to Tom...
Please edit!

Jelly Bean Prayer

sexrespect — 2012-04-09T09:39:14-07:00

Jelly Bean Prayer

Red is for the blood he gave

Green is for the grass he made

Yellow is for the sun so bright

Orange is for the edge of night

Black is for the sins we made

White is for the grace he gave

Purple is for his hour of sorrow

Pink is for our new tomorrow

A bag full of jelly beans

So colorful and sweet

Is a prayer, is a promise,

Is a loved one's treat

Fasting? Read 'Remedy Against Gluttony'

sexrespect — 2012-03-30T11:04:02-07:00

from 'Sinners Guide' p 288 the 'Remedy Against Gluttony' read on Friday's Radio Show:

"Consider Our Savior's extraordinary fast in the desert and the many other rigorous mortifications which he imposed upon His Sacred Body, not only to expiate our excesses, but to give us a salutary example. How then, can you call yourself a follower of Christ, when HE fasts, you abandon yourself to the gross pleasures of the table?

He refuses no labor, no suffering, to redeem you, and you will do nothing for your own salvation."

7 C's for Boys

sexrespect — 2012-03-22T20:00:27-07:00

What do I tell my 10 year old son?

Boys at 10 need less physical information, as they are 2-4 years from puberty. But because of the culture, they need more spiritual and emotional discipline that needs to be developed now before the testosterone rolls, to avoid "testosterone RULES." Initial talks with sons should be kept on a high, Godly plane, to avoid the danger of trivializing the sacred and deep mysteries of life. Any further physical details requested before puberty should be answered briefly with constant reference to God.

The Seven Cs for Boys:

1. Christ rules as your model of love, kindness, humility, courage and strength. Courtesy and respect for women is important for boys who want to become strong Christian men. Develop the courage to go to the cross to live for Christ. Pray to hear Christ�s call to vocation and be prepared to respond to Him.

2. Commandments: Review them together, possibly using the summary pages at the back of the Catechism, explaining what you think he needs at this age. For example, 6th commandment: certain kisses and embraces are allowed by God for married persons, which would be impure for unmarried. 9th commandment: dismiss impure or sinful thoughts by thinking something good. Form a conscience well, and go to Confession regularly (every two to four weeks). Hopefully, Dad is the leader in this. Don�t let your soul get wimpy because it�s full of venial sins. Seek your confessor�s advice on doubts or temptations. Avoid �occasions of sin.�

3. Chastity is the ideal virtue for men to develop. This form of purity of mind, words and body will help you live out your vocation, whether you are later called to Christian marriage, priesthood, religious life or single life. Refuse to listen to jokes or words that make fun of women or private parts of anyone�s body. Change the subject or walk away. Do not discuss private things with groups of boys. Most of them do not know how to speak with reverence about those things that God deems holy and private. Talk to your dad or mom about private issues. Avoid groups of boys who think sin is cool. Choose companions carefully.

4. Custody of the eyes: We live in a culture that tries to make fun of God�s plan for the holy marital embrace. Movies and magazines will try to train you to see women as objects for your pleasure or curiosity. If you give in to this training, you may see young women that meet you as �sexy� rather than beautiful children of God. Your job is to train yourself to keep your mind pure by turning your head away from these ads, avoiding those magazines and movies and being quick with the TV remote control to turn off any images of immodest women. Control your curiosity because you love God. Be quick to turn your eyes away from a girl who is dressed immodestly, too, and you will gain for Christ, �custody of your eyes.�

5. Concentrate on developing your character: Apply the virtues and character traits to your studies, sports, skills and home life. Diligence, patience, honesty, kindness and self-control are good places to start. Changes in your body will turn you into a physical man. You must work each day to become a better man spiritually and emotionally. Develop your will power by doing things that are challenging. Seek out hard work, tough sports, large mountains to climb; look at bad weather as a chance to get tough, not to stay inside; do more difficult tasks to help out at home, never complaining or being disagreeable. Strengthen your body and your will power and flee from laziness.

6. Control your behavior, no matter what your emotions are feeling. Emotional maturity is the ability to THINK before you act. Human beings have this capability. As Christians, we have the grace of God to help us. Angry feelings should not lead to violence�passionate feelings should not lead to lust�jealousy or hatred should not lead to revenge. Just because you like a girl doesn�t mean that you have to take her out or kiss her. Do not act impulsively or �however you feel.� Practice the strength of self-control and pray that God will help you desire only those things which help you become a strong Christian.

7. Choose to take care of the body God gave you. You have been a temple of the Holy Spirit since Baptism. You will be growing to physical adulthood over the next ten years. Eat wholesome foods, avoid junk and excess sweets. Avoid temptations to smoke or to drink alcohol.

Copyright 2000. Dr. Coleen Kelly Mast.
Respect, Incorporated (877)673-7732
SexRespect.com

The 6 M's for Girls

sexrespect — 2012-03-22T19:59:26-07:00

What do I tell my 10 year old daughter about womanhood?

It�s time to build a more intimate woman-to woman relationship with your little girl, at a special talk and many ongoing ones.

The Six Ms for pre-puberty girls:

1. Modesty: Avoid the problem of provoking the eye of lustful men with your clothing as you grow in womanhood and beauty. Show him your skin, his hormones rush in! Enhance feminine beauty without looking sexy so men will see you as a person rather than a body with parts he likes. The purpose of a bra is to support, protect and cover, not entice. Disrobing is only for the honeymoon, not before. She must work to keep her mind pure from sexy movies, magazines and TV shows. Her modesty protects her purity and chastity.

2. Menstrual cycle: Normal process to prepare for motherhood, not a sickness, usually not painful. Happens monthly from puberty to menopause, stops during pregnancy. Purpose of cycle (preparing uterine lining) is fulfilled during pregnancy. How to use sanitary supplies. Celebrate this privilege of womanhood and fertility together. Improve diet to prevent PMS. Discuss fetal growth and development using pro-life materials if you haven�t already. Discussion of conception is optional until puberty if she doesn�t ask.

3. Men and women are different: Each gender has different gifts. They see life differently and have different emotional responses and methods of communication. Be observant of this as she sees boys and girls become men and women, so she�ll be more understanding later. The girls will be physically mature before many of the boys in their class, and the girls who start chasing boys early are not the ones who end up with the best marriages.

4. Mary, our model of meekness: The Blessed Virgin Mary is a role model for women. She was not aggressive, obnoxious or gossipy. Remind your daughter that she will see many girls become louder and more immature when they physically develop if they do not know that a girl has to work spiritually to become virtuous. Meekness is inner strength without impulsiveness. Look to Mary, your heavenly mother, for guidance.

5. Moodiness: When the hormones start accelerating, she will find herself struggling with moodiness. Instead of making excuses for her hormones, it�s time to strengthen her will so as not to live by her whims. Be sympathetic that she will not recognize or even like herself some days during big hormone fluctuations. Understandable, not excusable. A good diet without chocolate, caffeine, junk food and sugar will reduce the mood shifts. A deeper prayer life will draw her to Christ and His mother during the confusing times.

6. Marriage is a vocation that God calls many people to. Not all are called to be married. Pray to know God�s will for your future. For now, develop your talents, skills and virtues so that you will be prepared for life. At the right time, God will send you the right mate. Don�t rush it yourself. Marriage is a sacrament that gives the couples His grace to grow closer to God through their lifetime of marriage and lead one another to heaven.

Copyright 2000. Dr. Coleen Kelly Mast. Respect, Incorporated (877)673-7732
SexRespect.com